Rebecca Coxon: 'Fertility is so often seen as a women’s issue, but it is a human issue'
BY Maya Fernandes
12th Mar 2026
In this interview Rebecca Coxon, author of the debut memoir Inconceivable, shares her advice for turning life experiences into a narrative.
'Take yourself seriously and give yourself a timeframe to just have a go – three months, a year. The alternative is that you carry an increasingly heavy ‘what if’ around in your pocket forever and that gets exhausting.'
We sat down with Rebecca to explore her journey in writing this personal story and the conversations she hopes it will spark about family and fertility.
Inconceivable is a memoir that explores the experience of infertility and what it means to belong. In the book, you share very personal experiences whilst also exploring bigger ideas about family and identity. How did you find the balance between telling your own story and looking at those wider themes?
When I met with publishers, some of them were keen for me to do a straightforward telling of mine and my family’s story, but it was important to me to frame it within a wider context. Fertility is so often seen as a women’s issue, but it is a human issue and without it there would be no history. It literally is the story of all of us. So I hark back through the generations – from the Bible to Henry VIII to Marilyn Monroe, Hilary Mantel and the dawn of fertility treatment – and interweave those more familiar stories, from fresh and unexpected angles, throughout my own. What I discovered were recurring themes of shame, grief, creativity and resilience. I was so moved and humbled by many of them that it made the process of writing my most intimate and vulnerable chapters not necessarily easier, but feel more essential.
As a documentary filmmaker and journalist, how has your background in investigative storytelling influenced your approach to writing this book?
Some events in the book took place while I was filming a woman giving birth or arriving at a crime scene, so they have made their way into the book organically. But I also look at how true crime documentaries have shaped us as a society in terms of who we feel we can trust or how sharing our stories can be an antidote to shame, which is something I saw every day in my documentary work.
My background has also given me years of experience approaching people for interviews and asking questions, so I felt comfortable getting in touch with various people who kindly shared their stories with me.
Some people advise to write from the scar not the wound, but much of my book was written in the thick of it, while major life events were still taking place. It meant I had a fresh memory and it helped me to process and make sense of things as they happened, but it’s not for everyone. Perhaps my background making observational documentaries - following events raw and in real time - also influenced this!
What conversations do you hope this book opens up about how families are formed today? Are there particular myths or stigmas you most want to challenge?
When my siblings and I were conceived there was such weighty stigma around IVF and donor conception that my parents didn’t tell anyone. Not even my grandma, who thought IVF created ‘monster babies’, or my aunt who thought using donor sperm was ‘adultery.’ Things have obviously changed somewhat these days, but I still see awful comments on social media every week. There still seems to be a lack of understanding and empathy about how and why people go down these routes to create their families. For anyone who thinks my family should not exist – which is essentially what they are saying – I think that says much more about them than us. We are a big, happy, loving family and in many ways the book is a celebration of that, thanks to advanced scientific technology and the kindness of strangers.
Did any books help inspire you on your writing journey?
I’ve always read a lot of memoirs. Some of my favourites that explore family relationships include Educated by Tara Westover, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson and A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney. I also loved I Am, I Am, I Am by Maggie O’Farrell, Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn and The Panic Years by Nell Frizzell, which all deal with fertility, loss and parenthood in different and beautiful ways.
For anyone writing in the genre and who wants a top notch reading list, I would highly recommend The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr.
What advice would you give to aspiring memoir writers who are trying to tell a personal story but aren’t sure where or how to begin?
You will find a million excuses not to start and not to continue, especially if the story is very personal and involves other people. There were scenes I avoided writing and chapters that took courage to write. But that’s all it is, writing. By the time publishing comes around a year or two later you’ll realise that these are your best scenes; they move readers and feel important precisely because they are hard to write about and so rarely explored.
Also, you don’t have to tell anyone what you are writing. This avoids any extra pressure or anyone trying to dissuade you. Once you’ve written a few chapters and had a stab at a book proposal, get some help. No one knows what they are doing the first time. Sign up to a tutored writing course and ask for feedback and tips about how to move forward. Take yourself seriously and give yourself a timeframe to just have a go – three months, a year. The alternative is that you carry an increasingly heavy ‘what if’ around in your pocket forever and that gets exhausting.
You studied with us on our Writing a Memoir course with Cathy Rentzenbrink. How did your time with us shape your approach to writing?
For me, it was a safe space to explore and see what came out. The course actually took place before I told my siblings the family secret so although it felt strange telling strangers first, it felt like a small, contained and supportive place to dip my toe in.
I’ve always admired Cathy Rentzenbrink and found her advice, weekly tasks and the structure of the course really useful. Having homework to do every week was a great way of staying accountable and knowing that other people would read what I wrote was really motivating. One of the chapters I wrote during those weeks is in the book and has barely changed.
And finally, what’s next for your writing journey?
I’ve been writing a novel for a while now that I’m really excited about, something completely different. However, new parenthood has been getting in the way of any routine. It’s a good problem to have though and after writing Inconceivable while struggling with infertility, one I will never take for granted. I know the next book will come when it’s ready. Perhaps it’s time to sign up for another CBC course!
Get your hands on a copy of Inconceivable, out now from Big Day Books.
Rebecca was a student on our Writing a Memoir course in 2022.
The books linked in this blog can be found on our Bookshop.org shop front. Curtis Brown Creative receive 10% whenever someone buys from our bookshop.org page.